Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
