Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
