a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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