Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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