Me too!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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