i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
