I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
