Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
