get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
