do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
