There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
