We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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