I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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