I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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