tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
