Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
