So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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