yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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