she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
