Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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