New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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