Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
