Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
