i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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