glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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