It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
