Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
