guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
