We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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