Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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