Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
