he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize