a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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