sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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