no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
