and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize