in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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