Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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