I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
