i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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