Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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