break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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