he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
