she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
