the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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