she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
