i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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