i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
