I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
