It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
