you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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