just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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