I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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