He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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