Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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