i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
soo... how was my night?
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