Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
