you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
