He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
