I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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