Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
