If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
