I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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