If i come over, it means nothing
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
