So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
