just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
