That's intense
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
