Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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