I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
