1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize