I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I smell stomach acid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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