My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
