I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
