I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
