I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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