guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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