Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
