i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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