It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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