youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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