Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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