I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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