Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
