My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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