Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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